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ONCE YOU’VE HEARD THEIR STORY…

On March 26th, at the Boys’ Home, a loud cry was heard. Like a child weeping and wailing unconsolably. All the children stopped short in what they were doing and hurried to the room where the sound was coming from, crowding around the door. When they peered in, they were surprised to see all the adults in the room laughing, and their “house father” on the floor, pretending to cry like a child. Then a facilitator came up to them and clarified to them, “He’s only acting.” Bewildered the children left, unable to comprehend what was going on. Why were adults acting like children?

What the children didn’t realise is that this was a special day at the Child Care Institution (CCI) where Headstreams was conducting a CCI Staff Workshop. The theme of the session was “Caregiving”. Together we facilitators and the staff at the Home were looking at the meaning of caregiving and how it looked in practice, through games, sharing and role playing.

After a fun introductory activity of juggle catch, we dwelt at length on how we experienced being cared for as children. One of the common experiences was returning home hungry from school, and finding a parent ready with food to feed you. Another was being comforted when we cried. We were given a chance to role play this (and so the wailing the children heard!). Then we shared how we received caring in our lives now, as adults, and from whom.

Naveen, our session facilitator, then introduced concept of the five languages of love: Everyone experiences care differently. For some being cared for means receiving gifts; for some it is being verbally affirmed; for still others it is through physical touch. A fourth category are those people who experience receiving care when we spend time with them, and the last category is of people who sense being cared for when we do an act of service for them.

From there we moved onto reflecting on how we are as caregivers. Who do we give care to? How do we give care? How do we give care to the children at the Home?

It was touching when one of the staff talked about how on waking in the morning he comes with a resolve to have a fun day with the children, but how that hope gets thwarted by time-consuming administrative duties. Another poignant moment of vulnerability was when one confessed that sometimes, in spite of trying hard, patience comes to an end and anger bursts out against the children. He wished it wasn’t so.

What was palpable by the end of the session was the change in our own perception of the staff. You see, very often, we tended to see one another as adversaries. After this session, we realised it is mostly because we don’t know each other. Fred Rogers had said, “Frankly, there isn’t anyone you couldn’t learn to love once you’ve heard their story”. And that is how it was with us. We had heard each other’s stories of care receiving, glimpsed each other’s vulnerabilities, as children and as adults, and become privy to each other’s struggles of caregiving
 and there was no turning back from that now. Each face and name, now had a history attached to it. We had become human to each other. We had seen how alike we actually are, at the core of it. It is still a long journey ahead but now it feels like a conversation between friends.

  • May, 5th, 2021
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WHEN SHAH RUKH KHAN VISITED!

They asked, curious and eager, “Nimma hessaru aenu?” (What is your name? in Kannada)
The stranger replied, “Shah Rukh Khan.”

Some of the 50 boys present giggled. Others looked a bit confused (should they believe this stranger or not? He definitely did not look like Shah Rukh Khan!!!).

Mr. V. put them out of their misery. “I am not Shah Rukh Khan,” he said. Introducing himself, he said he had come to visit them. Several more giggles later, the stranger had turned into friendly visitor.

A flurry of queries rained on Mr. V. for a whole hour: “Are you married? How many children do you have? Where do you stay? What do you do?” And of course, the list of favourites – food, car, colour
 The boys went on and on quizzing Mr.V. and getting to know him, . Mr.V. also showed them some pictures he had brought with him – of his family, the places he had visited, the games he plays. When they heard that Mr.V. had lived in Chitradurga as a child, the boys turned in unison to one usually quiet 12-year-old, who stood up with alacrity grinning from ear to ear: “I am also from Chitradurga,” he said.

Mr. V. asked them questions too. “What do you want to become when you grow up?” he asked. Hands shot up as boy after boy shared their dreams: “military”, “police”, software engineer”, “doctor”, “farmer”, “take care of my parents”, “police”, “police”, police”
 As dream declarations tumbled forward, Mr. V. said, “Do you know what helped me to achieve what I wanted? Setting goals.” He entreated the boys to set goals and work towards them. “Set small goals and achieve them one by one,” he emphasized. Working methodically helps one realise dreams he said.

The first empathy point was when Mr.V. averred, “I didn’t like reading books to study.” And many boys nodded their heads in agreement, with a couple of “Me too”s. Another little anecdote that resonated with the boys was when Mr. V. narrated how he one day had been faced with a choice. “When I was a little boy,” Mr.V. said, “some boys had bullied me and I had to decide then whether I would retaliate and seek revenge, or choose to ignore the bullies and maintain a dignified silence.” Mr. V. said that if, on that day, he had chosen “revenge”, he may have been a bully himself today and that the future that unfolded for him would have been very different. Instead he had chosen to remain patient and not react, and that helped him to practise self-control, which rewarded him greatly later on, making him a more patient person. Choices are important, Mr.V. said. It is the one thing we have control over.

For us headstreams facilitators, as we watched the interaction between Mr.V. and the boys, for just that hour, the dingy dark paint-peeling room and their circumstances seemed forgotten. For a whole hour, these boys who are usually so restless and can hardly stay put, listened with complete concentration. Their minds seemed open, looking into possible futures, listening raptly to a glimpse of what else could be possible.

It reinforced for us how secluded life within a CCI can get, and how important it is that the children in these institutions have access to people and experiences outside of their four walls. Looking through the eyes of people with experiences different from theirs, can help to gain perspective and infuse hope.

  • March, 25th, 2021
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THE PROBLEM OF ASHOK

Ashok* was angry and tired. Once again the police had appeared at his home to take him away. This was the third time in the last four years, that he had been summarily carted away. He had to leave his family, his friends and other parts of his life all of a sudden again. Worse, everyone would begin whispering about him again. For the third time.

There had been three cases of robbery against Ashok. Two of them had been cleared so far. The third was pending. And while he awaited trial, once again he was put in that dreaded Observation Home. He hated that place. It was like a jail. Cooped up in one room with a dozen other boys. He first came there as a child. Now he wasn’t even legally a child any more. But there he was again, facing the deadening routine of doing nothing all day.

While Ashok was at the Home, our experienced facilitators from Headstreams found it hard to conduct our regular sessions. Ashok was constantly restless. He could not settle down to doing any activity. He would bully the boys loudly, and the other boys seemed to fear him enough to listen to him. It seemed like he was hitting them and ridiculing them when we were not around. Even we had to stay on high alert to prevent instances of physical fights
breaking out or boys getting verbally abused. If any boy showed an interest in doing the activities of the session, Ashok would try his best to stop him from doing it one way or another.

How can we address this, we wondered? How can we protect the other boys and help Ashok at the same time? We realized that the first step was to look at Ashok not as a problem to be done away with. Ashok was a person who had been picked up from his life summarily and was being judged for a crime he may or may not have committed. Ashok was feeling so insecure that he needed constant attention, feeling so out of control of his life that he needed to be obeyed to feel powerful and in control. We also noted that Ashok had been more amenable in the two weeks before this particular week. Though he had still been loud, he had also been open and cooperative. He had been more responsive to the rules of the space. This helped us understand that his loud bullying this week had probably been triggered by something that had happened, or something someone had said. And though we didn’t know what this was, we were able to shift our thinking.

We realized that the Ashok we saw here, was only one part of who he was. We accepted that his behaviour here did not define who Ashok really could be.

Thinking in this manner, helped us to view Ashok in a more humane light. We decided that we wanted Ashok to experience kindness and non-judgement. When he left, we wanted for him to leave with a memory of a time and people who treated him with respect. So we continued speaking to him kindly but firmly, refusing to be provoked to anger while stepping in to protect the others the best we could.

This week Ashok was awarded bail and so was able to leave the Home. We will miss him because of what he reminded us: People are not problems; people are hurting and need help. We met Ashok as part of our project “Play and Learning”. Through this, we work in the short-stay institutions set up under the Juvenile Justice Act, to help house children (those below 18 years of age) who enter the judicial system for a number of reasons. Our work at the State Government-run Child Care Institutions (CCIs) in Bengaluru is extremely challenging but hugely rewarding at the same time.

 

 

  • February, 18th, 2021
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WHEN LIFE TOUCHES LIFE – A REFLECTION IN THE 150TH YEAR OF GANDHI

Prof. Cheriyan Alexander

 

Here is a photograph from 1936 that I saw recently and that got me reflecting about the two marvellous lives that get connected here. Here we are in 2019, a special year, the 150th birth anniversary of MK Gandhi, and pictures like this are climbing out of the archives and into public media spaces. Good thing, too! They make it possible for people from a fresh new generation to acquaint themselves with the glories of our not so distant past.

The photo shows an informal moment in 1936 in Bangalore at the National School, Basavangudi, Bangalore. Gandhi is listening with attentiveness and affection to a 9th standard student of that school. His name is H. Narasimhaiah. The boy has two passions – science and India’s total freedom. Poorna Swaraj. That means complete independence. Not just from the British. But also from superstitions, ignorance, caste oppressiveness and corruption. Gandhi is his hero. What a beautiful moment the camera has frozen here!

Well, after this Gandhi went on with his campaign for independence and would go on to be martyred a few months after the great achievement of independence. 12 years after this picture. H. Narasimhaiah would go on to become one of India’s great scientists and educationists, professor and principal of National College, a distinguished Vice Chancellor of Bangalore University and a lifelong Gandhian, known for his simple lifestyle, his tremendous leadership in higher education and his unimpeachable integrity in high office.


Dr. H. Narasimhaiah

When he died in 2005, H.N (as everyone lovingly called him) left behind an impressive legacy of influence that would certainly have made his hero and role model proud. Take a look at that picture again. The elderly man enjoying the company of the young schoolboy, listening seriously to him and valuing the potential in him, thus motivating him to go boldly into the future and realise his great ideals.
How much do we value the young lives that rain past us in such profusion in this country, rich with the potential for glorious future revolutions that change their worlds for the better? The story of these two interconnected lives tell us how important and worthwhile it is to pay attention to the little ones and to honour their dreams and their ideals.

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Persistence… for what?

It is over 11 years since Headstreams began. All through, the consistent desire has been to discover/innovate ways to enable participants to live meaningful lives. Facilitating the realization of their inherent potential to do this, has been the thread that runs through all our work – be it related to education, livelihoods or community development.

We are currently exploring how the practice of “Habits of Mind (HoM)” can best be introduced among children and youth. We enable this by providing safe facilitated learning environments underpinned by free choice and goal-setting paradigms.Our belief is that this can leverage capacities for problem solving, self-awareness and empathy. Constant systematic reflection is part of the process, and this is already yielding valuable affirmations, insights and challenges for us as facilitators.

Recently, while conducting a HoM session on the habit of “Persistence” in a Home for Boys (who had had a brush with the law), one of them asked, “What if we use our persistence to pursue illegal things?”

Later, discussing as a team, we were grateful that the boy was able to voice his thoughts, given the safe space that had been created for the children to freely share. We also realized that by sharing his thoughts,this boy was inviting us into a dialogue regarding a matter that was deeply personal and troubling for him. The sub-text of this question was a challenge: “Do you have anything meaningful to say/offer which can make me alter my thinking (or do you affirm it)?”

As part of that team discussion, we developed an ethical framework which could help anyone evaluate their choices or actions:
1) Will my action harm me today or in the long run (physically, mentally, emotionally,
socially, spiritually)?
2) Will my action harm others today or in the long run (on the same parameters)?
3) Would it make me proud if my child (or a loved one) made the same choices?
If the answer to any of these three was a NO, then it implied the need to rethink that choice or action.

Also important was that, while facilitating this ethical framework, one needs to remember that the realities of the participants are often highly complex and sometimes heart-breaking. As facilitators, an attitude of empathy and mercy is always preferred to one of passing ethical judgement. The challenge for us is to attempt holding on to our truth while empathetically dialoguing at the starting points that are offered.

It becomes crucial then that, as facilitators, we are able to read the sub-text of what is being said, to locate root concerns: safety, protection of loved ones, despair, etc. This helps to keep the conversation addressed to these concerns as the reference point,so that the dialogue does not degenerate into a “
but this is wrong and that is right” kind of framework. For example, if doing something illegal was the only way a child could think of, of helping one’s family, we could begin by recognising the desire to help, and commending the initiative to act for someone apart from themselves, before focusing on what other ways there may be to help one’s family. The dialogue would then become a starting point in identifying alternate ways to achieve one’s higher goals.

We would love to hear your thoughts and perspectives on this discussion, and also if you have any experiences to share on this topic. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Dr Naveen I. Thomas & Selena George
Co-Founders

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PLAYFULNESS IN OLDER ADULTS

“It is in playing, and only in playing, that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self.” – D.W.Winnicott
Older adults are an important part of the population, and according to Federal Interagency Forum on Aging Related Statistics the older adults are growing in numbers, living longer and are more active than the previous older generations. Research shows that majority of the studies focused on the health of older adults related to problems and diseases. Therefore few researchers have tired to look at the playful disposition of adults and its influence on their health. Yarnal, 2004 opined that playfulness also holds great potential for contributing to healthy aging. Elder, Johnson, and Crosnoe (2003) have also stressed that playfulness and having fun in later life may contribute to the maintenance of cognitive functioning, emotional growth, and healthy aging overall. Bartlett and Peel 2005 define this playfulness of older adults as a “process of adaptation to physical and psycho-social changes across the life course to attain optimal physical, mental and social well being in old-age.”
Guitard, Ferland, and Dutil (2005) identified few playful characteristics of older adults which are creativity, curiosity, pleasure, and a sense of humor. Playful older adults are mischievous, naughty, have a disposition towards being funny. Carver and White opine that these characteristics show the cognitive capacity of older adults.
Playful older adults are happy, joyful and enthusiastic in their approach to life which shows them being positive emotionally. Tugade and Fredrickson refer to this disposition of Playful older adults as being ‘psychologically upbeat’. Research studies by Miller and Ferland suggests that playful older adults can be a very novel and at their creative best too.
Research studies have proved that by encouraging playfulness in older adults it would help them to deal with everyday stressors, leads to healthy ageing, can balance between positive and negative emotional health as well good cognitive functioning.

Sources:

Yarnal and Xinyi QianOlder (2011), ‘Adult Playfulness An Innovative Construct and Measurement for Healthy Aging Research’, American Journal of Play, volume 4, number 1, pg 52-79.

By Dr Srividya K

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NON SOCIAL PLAY IN CHILDHOOD

Kenneth Rubin and his associates in their research work on social and non social play, have tried to distinguish the difference between social and non social play.

Rubin, Fein and Vandenberg (1983) defined play in terms of the following characteristics:

(1) Play is not governed by appetitive drives, compliance with social demands, or by inducements external to the behavior itself; instead play is intrinsically motivated.

(2) play is spontaneous, free from external sanctions, and its goals are self-imposed.

(3) play asks “What can I do with this object or person?” (this differentiates play from exploration which asks “What
is this object /person and what I do with it/him/her?”).

(4) play is not a serious rendition of an activity or a behavior it resembles; instead it consists of activities that can be labelled as pretense .

(5) play is free from externally imposed rules.

(6) play involves active engagement.

According to Rubin and associates , “Social play compromises the associated constructs of social participation, social competence, and sociability, and typically involves two (or more) children participating in functional-sensorimotor, constructive, and dramatic activities, and games-with-rules. It also comprises active conversations between children as they go about interacting with each other, negotiating play roles and game rules”.

‘Nonsocial play is defined as the display of solitary activities and behaviors in the presence of other potential play partners’.  Thus according to this definition a child sitting and all alone in any given environment is not engaging in nonsocial play are there are not other play mates surrounding them.

To understand more about nonsocial play, a tool named ‘The Play Observation Scale’, was developed by Rubin in the 1970’s to  make observations on the structural components of play. This tool was constructed along the lines of Parten’s and Smilansky’s classification of play. During the administration process of tool, and analysis of the results three distinct sub types of nonsocial forms of play was classified based on the type of play children were involved in.

These sub types are Reticent behaviour is a play behaviour where the children are either onlooker (observing other children at play) or unoccupied (looking aimlessly, just roaming around, without any goal). Solitary – passive play is a play behaviour that characterizes a child quietly involving oneself with exploring objects in a very inert manner playing all alone. Solitary – active play is a play behaviour where the child is actively involved in playing with or without objects and more importantly in the presence of other children.

These nonsocial forms of play can have various meaning, depends on the circumstances and the developmental milestone achievement of a child with various degrees of psycho social development.

By Dr Srividya K

Sources

http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.332.9523&rep=rep1&type=pdf

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Stages of pretend play

Pretend play is a very important part of the developmental aspect which is very normal as well helps in enhancing the cognitive, emotional, language and social skills. Also through pretend play a child is naturally learning to solve problems, think creatively and critically.

Researchers have identified stages in pretend play, and given below is an amalgamation of a few, and these stages are observed in a typical development. Researchers like Weitzman and Greenberg, Sherri Johnson opinionated that pretend play starts by around the age of 12 months and may end up pretend playing for 5-6 hours per day.

During 12-18 months toddlers try to pretend play simple actions like sleeping, brushing or eating with real objects. Pretend play is restricted to pretending about themselves. From 18-24 months the pretend play moves from pretending on oneself to pretending with others. Children will play with toys or other adults, still using real objects for pretending at the same time making imitating adult like actions.

From 24-30 months a toddler’s language development moves past from using single words to speaking in half broken, grammatically not so correct sentences. actions that a child performs are the ones the child is very familiar with. At this point, the child is able to pretend roles by combining lots of actions like putting a baby to sleep, or imitating a cooking process. Cognitively they are able to think of not using realistic objects frequently.  30 – 36 months actions tread the path of less familiar roles and pretending is possible without the real objects and as make believe imaginary objects.

36 months on wards, children are in the preschooler stage, they socialize with other children, have complex thinking capacity, and hence they are able to pretend play in a group. Children role play on imaginary themes, use props, can scrip small dramas.

Pretend play provides for the child with a lot of opportunities to relive moments that they might have observed in their surroundings, giving them a way to vent their feelings and a sense of satisfaction.

By Dr Srividya K

Sources

http://www.lifestagesinc.com/blog/4557419691/Developmental-Progression-of-Pretend-Play/6090627

http://www.hanen.org/helpful-info/articles/the-land-of-make-believe.aspx

 

 

 

 

 

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WAVE OF THE MAGIC WAND

Do not
keep children to their studies by compulsion but by play.

Plato
Greek philosopher
427–347 BC

Reflect upon the above quote, Let its meaning sink in and at the same time, just ponder a bit. If the name of the person was not mentioned below the quote, does it look like a quote taken from the era of ‘BC’?

This quote is apt even today, and Plato’s foresightedness is commendable. But the words in the quote ‘do not’ and ‘but by play’ has been erased off from the lives of children today. At the same time, while I was reading the quote, I felt what were the circumstances that made Plato give such a quote. This made me realise that, the words ‘do not’ and ‘but by play’, was not only erased off from the lives of children today, but earlier also. So, let’s see whether the  17th century philosophers were able to wave their magic wands and explain the significance of play. So without much ado, let’s travel back in time.

Review of literature suggests that, the 17th century philosophers also felt play as a necessity and also a mode by which learning happens. This thought is in tune with Plato’s  belief on the positive  influence of play on children. In the previous blog I had mentioned that there are no supportive literature available about child’s play, but Cohen (1993), reported that the archaeological survey revealed that the Greek children made ‘balls out of pig bladders’ and Roman children played with toy soldiers. It’s said that children’s play, reflected the culture, society they were part of, and in the case of Greek and Roman children, physical activities were prominently seen, which  was a reflection of the adults practices then. However, as discussed earlier, play was not considered worthy enough to be documented.

It was also observed that the 13th century medieval art depicted children involved in play only on the borders of the canvass and was never in the center. By 16thcentury, children’s play became the central interest in artistic representations and then slowly, child’s play made its way into literature during the 17th century due to contributions made by John Locke, Rousseau, Pestalozzi and Frobel. All this does not look as easy as it sounds.

These philosophers started a revolution around 17th century and compelled people to change their perceptions towards the concept and importance of play. Until 17thcentury, children were considered as ‘miniature adults’, and there was no scope for considering childhood as a separate stage of development. The paintings and photos of these medieval times shows children dressed adult-like, very clearly showing children being treated as adults, hence leaving little scope for play. “I remember a scene in the movie ‘Titanic’, where the heroine sadly looks on at a girl barely 10 years old, being taught by her mother etiquette on table”. In fact, movies that were made with the medieval concept depicted the same showing time and again that children from a very young age were trained for adult life and little scope was given for play.

John Locke, a British philosopher, was the first person to acknowledge children and childhood as a separate and important stage. Locke also saw play as a necessary part of childhood and considered children as ‘born players’. Of course Locke may have not written about the connections between play and learning, but felt that play was vital for health and spirit. Locke was also one of the first to advocate the importance of toys for children, but felt adult supervision of play as a necessary aspect.

The dawn of 18thcentury came in the Romantic Movement, where the concept of play came into full force and was also valued. Confucius says “it’s better to play than do nothing”. Let’s see in my next blog why Confucious says so and did our 18thcentury philosophers also think on the same lines. 
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Agon, mimesis and chaos


The remarkabe endurance of play and games across centuries, generations, cultures and countries is quite a story. Both natural and man-made playgrounds change with geograohy, time, and necessity. Technology, culture, and interest change children’s toy choices, but their games, laws and seasons for playing them endure in modified fashion.
Frost, 2010
In my previous write up, I had mentioned three words, ‘Agon, mimesis and chaos’, which are the three routes for understanding play. It was Spariosu (1989), who had interpreted these words, explained it’s meaning and significance for the present situation. A more detailed explanation is available in his book on ‘Play and the aesthetic dimension in modern philosophical and scientific discourse’. Let’s look in brief the significance of these three words.
‘Agon’, meaning  conflict, is one way of considering play. It was a belief that, it was the Greek Gods, who put humans to challenges in the form of war, politics and other forms of conflict, that would test the physical and social capabilities. It was believed that the one who was able to overcome the challenges, had the blessings of god. The Ancient Greeks created a sport version of Agon, where different groups would compete against each other, instead of fighting real war, like throwing lances (javelins), heaving stones (shot put), shooting arrows (archery), and other forms of physical competition to know which individual or group had the blessings of god. These form of competitive play in the form of sports and games is still practised.
‘Mimesis’ meaning mimicry. It is believed that the Ancient Greeks would mimic Gods, in various representational forms , to show their devotion towards God. Spariosu says that the greeks acted in ways that were thought to be pleasing to gods. The Greeks imagined God’s way life and interpreted it through dance forms, which they felt would bring them closer to Gods and would possibly beget God’s favour. The Ancient Greek players used masks to take on new roles, scenes of Gods were depicted as symphonizing human actions has evolved into theatre (plays) ,rituals (religious rites) and other symbolic or dramatic portrayals. Mimesis may be interpreted as imitative or expressive, but it involved acting. Imitation, dramatic presentations or enacting by adults or children are forms of symbolic play which is still seen even today as a form of recreation.
‘Chaos’ or the order and disorder of nature, is a way by which ancient people tried to relate to Gods and understand the purpose of humans  in the world. Predictions were considered as a way in trying to understand the actions of gods. By predicting,  Ancient Greeks took a trust in chance, that all actions had godly interventions and will mark one’s path of life. Predictions were done by tossing bones, studying patterns and drawing lots which was believed to reveal the future of a  person. According to Spariosu, this games of chance is also another form of play, that is seen to this day in the form of gambling, board games, flipping coins and so on.
The Ancient Greeks were very clear about the fact that these three forms are a basis for their philosophy of life and had no relationship with play. But thinkers like Spariosu and Lonsdale interpretation has led us to think of the links between play and agos, mimesis, chaos. In the beginning of the blog there is a quote about play by Frost, where he also opines, that with changing times there is definitely a change in the choice of games, but the rules and ways of playing it will always reamin the same, maybe modified to suite particular conditions. For example, a game called Pagade got modified as Ludo, but people play both forms of games. 
 The forms of play that the ancients have discussed applies to both children and adults. However, there is a lack of supportive literature and recordings of children’s play in ancient times. Children’s play came into limelight during the 17th century, where thinkers began to reconsider, and shifted their focus from religion and beliefs. So wait up for the next blog to see the wave of these thinkers magic wand on the philosophy of child’s play.
Dr. Srividya R.