On March 26th, at the Boys’ Home, a loud cry was heard. Like a child weeping and wailing unconsolably. All the children stopped short in what they were doing and hurried to the room where the sound was coming from, crowding around the door. When they peered in, they were surprised to see all the adults in the room laughing, and their “house father” on the floor, pretending to cry like a child. Then a facilitator came up to them and clarified to them, “He’s only acting.” Bewildered the children left, unable to comprehend what was going on. Why were adults acting like children?

What the children didn’t realise is that this was a special day at the Child Care Institution (CCI) where Headstreams was conducting a CCI Staff Workshop. The theme of the session was “Caregiving”. Together we facilitators and the staff at the Home were looking at the meaning of caregiving and how it looked in practice, through games, sharing and role playing.

After a fun introductory activity of juggle catch, we dwelt at length on how we experienced being cared for as children. One of the common experiences was returning home hungry from school, and finding a parent ready with food to feed you. Another was being comforted when we cried. We were given a chance to role play this (and so the wailing the children heard!). Then we shared how we received caring in our lives now, as adults, and from whom.

Naveen, our session facilitator, then introduced concept of the five languages of love: Everyone experiences care differently. For some being cared for means receiving gifts; for some it is being verbally affirmed; for still others it is through physical touch. A fourth category are those people who experience receiving care when we spend time with them, and the last category is of people who sense being cared for when we do an act of service for them.

From there we moved onto reflecting on how we are as caregivers. Who do we give care to? How do we give care? How do we give care to the children at the Home?

It was touching when one of the staff talked about how on waking in the morning he comes with a resolve to have a fun day with the children, but how that hope gets thwarted by time-consuming administrative duties. Another poignant moment of vulnerability was when one confessed that sometimes, in spite of trying hard, patience comes to an end and anger bursts out against the children. He wished it wasn’t so.

What was palpable by the end of the session was the change in our own perception of the staff. You see, very often, we tended to see one another as adversaries. After this session, we realised it is mostly because we don’t know each other. Fred Rogers had said, “Frankly, there isn’t anyone you couldn’t learn to love once you’ve heard their story”. And that is how it was with us. We had heard each other’s stories of care receiving, glimpsed each other’s vulnerabilities, as children and as adults, and become privy to each other’s struggles of caregiving… and there was no turning back from that now. Each face and name, now had a history attached to it. We had become human to each other. We had seen how alike we actually are, at the core of it. It is still a long journey ahead but now it feels like a conversation between friends.